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Taking your relationship to the next level...
1. Never be afraid to have 'the talk': Confidence is all you need to get this accomplished. Why should you be scared to ask someone about their intentions with you? Being passive is the most stupid thing you can do. You are basically giving someone carte blanche with you, your feelings, and your happiness. If someone wants to establish something deeper with you, they will not mind having this conversation. The men who weasel out of it or turn it completely around are the ones who have no intention on making it anything more than superficial. Ask yourself what side of spectrum your potential boyfriend is in.
2. Do not as if you are someone's girlfriend (...when you're not): If you are still "dating" that person, you should not act as though you are in a committed relationship. In example: Staying the night, cuddling, making their happiness a priority in your life. If you begin to act in such a fashion, why would they take the steps necessary to make you their girlfriend? You are already presenting them with all the perks with none of the commitment. In their eyes, they do not want to "complicate anything" or make things "change." I can understand a woman's logic behind this. You want to show them how awesome it would be! You think you are doing yourself a favor, but you are doing the exact opposite. Think of it in these terms: You are offered a free trial to Netflix, you really do not want (or have the cash) to pay for it, but it's free. You sign up. As the month passes you are sure to cancel it before you are charged. You never really wanted it in the first place and it was offered to you. What is the harm? You offering your skills/dedication to someone on a trial basis will probably lead to the same result. Cancellation once a commitment is wanting to be materialized.
3. Keep your sex to yourself: This is a continuation of the abovementioned. I needed to make this clear, once again. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH A MAN YOU WANT A COMMITMENT FROM BEFORE IT IS PRESENTED. In most cases this puts you at a deficit. Both men and women love sex, but we process it in different ways. Most men can have sex with someone and feel nothing. I cannot say that about most women. Once we drop our panties, a lot of us expect for a man to fall in love with us immediately. We go into these situations thinking that if you do that, it will result in a relationship. What it usually results into is a wet spot, dirty sheets, and disappointment. Only make yourself available to casual sex if you can deal with the reality that, that person may not want you in any way (besides sexually), no matter what. If you can imagine yourself not caring about someone else making that person happy, then you are probably clear for having sex without the commitment. Be smart about who you open yourself to, and be smart about what you open yourself to.
All in all, at 21, I believe that learning about the other sex is mostly trial and error, however if you practice good judgment and common sense, you should not be too bad off. Date smart.
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